Computers can be all too serious sometimes, so even if things are going wrong and you are getting frustrated with your computer, just take a few minutes to read a few computer related jokes to bring a smile to your face.
It says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key" (This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\<Directory>...." It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11" It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...." It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...." It means: "... Indefinitely."
It says: "Directory does not exist...." It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."
The Microsoft Car
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protection fault" warning light.
8. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
9. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.
10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
11. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
12. You'd have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.
E-Mail Mistakes
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
If restaurants functioned like Microsoft
Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?! Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Waiter leaves. Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day ................................... $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day .......... $2.50
Access to support ................................. $1.00
Author Unknown.
The AOL Car
• The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
• The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
• The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
• The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
• AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
• Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
• The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colours and lights.
• The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
• Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
• If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
• The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
• AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
• AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
• Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
• It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
• AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
• Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
• It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
• AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
• AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
• Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
Parasites!
This conversation below actually took place between a customer and one of our staff:
Customer: I have parasites on my PC, could you please supply me with disenfectant to pour over my PC.
Staff: I am afraid it is not quite as simple as that! (side note to self: is he joking or serious? He's serious, he's not laughing! He really does think you pour disenfectant over PC's to clean viruses!)
That's all we have at the moment, if you have any computer related joke that you feel you want to share, please send them to us here and we will add them to this page, providing they are suitable!
